Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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