Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
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