She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
