Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
