Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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