I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
