Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
