woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
