God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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