He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
