how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
40s are totally the cure
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
