The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
