I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
