The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
