I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
