At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Randomize