i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
