I hate all girls vehemently.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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