apparently the secret to your success is patron
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
