is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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