Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
