everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
