Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
