Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
