A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
