DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
