this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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