I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
