That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
