dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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