Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
