We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
