My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
