all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize