omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
