if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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