i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
