I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
