okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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