I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize