party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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