I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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