i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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