it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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