And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
