youre lurking in front of me
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
