when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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