It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
