She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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