She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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