I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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