my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
