how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
