Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
