The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
