Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
