Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
