My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
organizing the empties. That sober.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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