i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
