She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
