dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
