Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
