I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
