Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize