Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My ass is underappreciated
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
