you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
