My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
