I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
