it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
