kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
no you cant smoke seaweed
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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