I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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